Kingdom Bloopers
by ClanCrusher
Summary: You've played the game, you know the story. Here is what you didn't see. I'm back with KH2 bloopers everyone!
1. Chapter 1

You've played Kingdom hearts, you know the story. This is what you didn't see.

**Destiny Island**

Sora and Rikku are fighting each other:

Sora swung his wooden sword at Rikku who made a spectacular leap that easily cleared the treetops and landed behind Sora.

"How can you jump that high?"

Rikku pulls out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on, "I've been trained in the Matrix."

**Traverse Town**

"I'm Yuffie, the greatest Ninja in the world."

"And modest too," Leon mumbled under his breath.

Yuffie twitched, "Oh yeah? Well at least I didn't get beaten by a key wielding punk!"

"I can take you on any day you little thief!"

"Why you…"

Sora stares blankly as Yuffie and Leon start fighting eachother, "Um… guys?"

**Atlantica: Under the Sea**

In the Gummi Ship:

"Don't worry!" quacked Donald, "My magic will protect us."

The party is transferred down into the sea where they assume the likeness of sea creatures. However Sora notices something big and yellow.

"Donald? What's that?"

"Oh, that's your shoes. They were too big to fit into subspace."

**Hollow Bastion**

Sora backed off as the dragon Maleficent swung her tail around in an attempt to hit him. Then she swung her tail around again, and again, and again, and again, and………

Sora: 'Huh? What the?'

Maleficent: "Catch the tail, catch the tail, catch the tail!"

**Olympus Coliseum**

Sora looks at the big form of the rock Titan.

"I have to beat him?"

"Don't worry Sora! The power of our hearts will help us win!"

"Donald, we've been through this. HEARTS…PUMP…BLOOD!"

**Hollow Bastion**

"I don't need the keyblade. I have the best weapon of all."

"What?" asks Rikku, "Your heart? That puny little thing?"

"No…THIS!"

Sora runs up to Rikku and kicks him in the groin. Then punches him in the face. Finally he elbow drops him on the head knocking him out. He then casually picks up the keyblade.

**Olympus Coliseum: Platinum Match**

Sora watches as the one winged angel descends from the air, unfurl his wing and unsheathe his 7 foot sword.

Sora looks down at his little keyblade and back at the black clothed man's sword. He takes another look at his keyblade and says one thing.

"Oh Hell no."

**Olympus Coliseum: Lobby**

Phil is speaking to Sora.

"Okay, since Hades is back in hell I have devised a new cup called "THE MASTERS CUP! There's only 10 matches this time."

Sora smirked, "Well that doesn't sound too hard."

Phil unrolls a scroll and begins reading.

"Match 1 is Tarzan, Peter Pan, Yuffie, and Capt. Hook at the same time. Match 2 is against the Ice Titan, the Rock Titan and Hades…

1 hour later…

"And finally you have to fight against Sephiroth, Cloud, Leon, and Hercules at the same time. Got that kid? Oh and this is solo, so you cant have your friends with you."

Sora had been standing there for the past half hour with his mouth open.

"Um, Sora?"

"Gwarsh, I think he fainted."

**Hollow Bastion**

Rikku: "Lead me into everlasting Darkness! Let your heart be consumed by DARKNESS!"

Sora: "Hey Rikku? What's so great about the darkness anyway?"

Rikku: …

Sora: Well?

Rikku: "Shut up and fight."

**Deep Jungle**

Tarzan glided smoothly over the trees as he had so many times in his youth. Looking behind him he saw Sora tripping and stumbling his way down the trees, being hit by every branch along the way.

Noticing Tarzan staring Sora shouted at him.

"What the heck do you expect? The only thing these shoes are good for is a frikin flotation device!"

**Wonderland**

"Okay, so we drink this to make ourselves able to fit through that door."

Sora and company take a drink of the formula just after a bunch of heartless appear. From his tiny prospective he sees the enormous heartless about to step on him.

'Something tells me this wasn't a very good idea…'

**Hollow Bastion**

Rikku: The princess' heart is inside you. Its calling out to her. Cant you feel it?

Sora: I have two hearts? No wonder I never had to sleep.

**Agrabah Desert: Kurt Zisa Battle**

Kurt Zisa bursts from the sand and roars. Sora doesn't even flinch.

Kurt looks confused, "Hey! Why didn't I surprise you?"

Sora shrugs, "The action music came on."

**Olympus Coliseum: Platinum Match**

After much dipping, dodging, and ducking, Sora finally manages to land a hit on Sephiroth. Looking at him with the scan ability he sees that his life bar hasn't dropped.

"Hey! What the heck? I just hit you, why didn't your life bar drop?"

Sephiroth shrugged, "They ran out of colors to overlap my bar."

A/N: And now you know the truth .

Love it? Hate it? Got a few laughs? Leave a review regardless.

ClanCrusher


	2. Chapter 2

Welcome to the second chapter of Kingdom Bloopers. I didn't think that I was going to continue this, but what the hell.

Maleficent: Chase the tail, Chase the tail, Chase the Tail, Chase the Tail

ClanCrusher: Will somebody please shut her up? Sigh. On with the story.

Blue Trinity: Stomp Red Trinity: Charge 

Yellow Trinity: Push

Green Trinity: Ladder

White Trinity: Reveal

Trinity Trouble 

In Kingdom Hearts you may have run across several trinity marks. Unfortunately, they don't always work like they're supposed to.

Blue Trinity: Trinity Stomp 

"1..2..3..Stomp!"

Sora, Donald and Goofy jump and stop the ground. Nothing happens.

"Ok, lets try this again, 1..2..3..Stomp!"

Again, nothing happens.

"What the hell is wrong with this thing?"

Sora looks up in the air expectantly, all of a sudden…

WHAM! 

Goofy sweatdrops as he looks at where Sora's head had been pounded into the ground by a huge treasure chest.

Blue Trinity: Atlantica 

"Now how the hell are we supposed to get this one?" shouts Sora as he waves his tail fin.

Blue Trinity: Traverse Town 

"One, Two, Three!"

Donald, Goofy, and Sora all jump on the ground at the same time…

SPLASH

And immediately get drenched by someone's dirty water that was balanced on a windowsill.

**Ever wonder why the other characters can't do Trinities?**

**Tarzan: Blue Trinity**

"&&!"

"No! Just stomp your feet on three, its not that hard!"

"&&!"

Tarzan stomps his foot three times.

"No! When I say three!"

Tarzan stomps his foot again.

"Not that three!"

Tarzan stomps his foot again.

Arial: Blue Trinity 'Looks down at the Trinity' 

"You want me to do what?"

**Peter Pan: Blue Trinity**

"Get down here and help us with this thing."

Peter looks down at his legs, "I cant."

"And why not?"

"Because I can't stop flying! AHHHHH!"

**Aladdin: Green Trinity (Ladder)**

"Its no good! Your too short!" Shouted Donald as he grabbed for the chest just out of his reach.

"Hey quit moving around, it's hard enough to balance as it is!" Replied Aladdin

"Look out! You're leaning to far forwaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!"

CRASH

**Jack Skellington: Green Trinity**

"Come on!" Shouts Sora to the skeleton as he struggles to lift him.

Jack is almost able to stand up straight but then collapses dumping the ladder on the ground.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm all bone and no muscle."

Sepiroth: White Trinity "Ow! God damnit stand further back! Farther, farther, farther, ok lets try this again." Moving on…

**Trinity Ladder (Or Not):**

"Ok here we go. Goofy, you're on the bottom. Donald, your on top."

Just as they are about to perform the trinity several heartless appear. However they are dispatched with ease.

"Let's try this again."

Again more heartless appear.

"Ok, let's try again…"

More heartless.

"One more time."

Several waves later…

"You know what? Forget it. Donald come here!"

Sora grabs Donald by the neck and shouts, "TRINITY MISSILE!" and throws Donald at the chest, knocking it to the ground.

Magic Pixie Dust 

Peter Pan sways unsteadily on his feet before falling down, his eyes glazed over.

Peter Pan: Believe in da big bawana dude, and you can fly above ze clouds!

Sora: Uh Peter? Have you been smoking pixie dust again?

The Magic of Disney Runs on… 

"We've always been rivals but now it comes down to this. There can't be two keyblade masters."

Riku holds out his hand expectantly. The keyblade shakes violently in Sora's grip but then suddenly stops.

"Huh? What happened?"

Sora shakes the keyblade a couple times, "Stupid Duracell, I thought they were supposed to last forever!"

Why Bad Guys Shouldn't Monologue 

(Ending Scene with Ansem)

"I…I cant be defeated here! Kingdom Hearts, bestow me with eternal…UHG!

"Strike Raid!"

"Firaga!"

"Rocket!"

Ansem is then on the receiving end of several projectiles, each one hitting a vital spot. After the onslaught Ansem is no more.

"Yeah, like we're really going to stand here and let you power up, sheesh. What do you think this is? Dragonball Z?"

End 

Ok that's enough of that. I didn't think I was actually going to update this fic but…well here it is. Please tell me what you think. As for future bloopers I'm not sure. If I think of more I'll be sure to put them down.

Love it? Hate it? Leave a review anyways.

ClanCrusher


	3. Chapter 3

Thought I was out of ideas did you? Well, you're wrong! So here are some new ones.

Maleficent: Chase the tail, chase the tail, chase the tail, chase the tail…

ClanCrusher: Sigh. Sora?

Sora: Fetch!

Maleficent: Get the ball! Get the ball! Get the ball!

**Leon's House: Traverse Town**

"Leon! You have a trinity mark in here? Why didn't you tell us?" 

"Um…Sora?"

"Don't worry, we'll take care of this."

"Sora?"

"Okay, stomp on three. One, two, three!"

CRASH 

Leon looks down into the hole Sora and his friends had created, "The woods rotten…"

**The Bad Guys Place (Wherever that is…)**

Maleficent, Oogie Boogie, Hades, Jafar, and Ursala are all sitting around the great stone tablet discussing their evil plans when all of a sudden…

CRASH Sora, Donald, and Goofy all stand up and look around for a minute… 

"Um…Hey guys…how's it going…run…"

"What?" asked Donald, wand at the ready.

"Yeah…uh…didn't mean to interrupt your secret meeting or anything…run."

"Did you say…"

"RUN!"

A couple minutes later everyone is finally shaken out of their shock.

"I told you it was a bad idea to put our base here."

"And what the hell are you doing here?"

The bad guys turn to see Leon, Cloud, Yuffie, Aeries, Sora, Sepiroth, Hercules, Riku, Donald, and Goofy standing in the doorway.

Oogie Boogie speaks, "Um…Hey guys…how ya doing? Just having a little frap party…run.

**The Bad Guys Meeting: Part 2**

It had been a long hard journey but Sora had finally overcome the many obstacles and was ready to take the bad guys on in their lair. Dispatching the heartless guarding the door he kicks the door open but… 

"Hey! Where is everyone?"

Maleficent watches them from her pool of water…

"Hah! Those fools will never find me! Now that I have relocated the lair to my Aunt's backyard!"

"Miss? The biscuits are done."

"Excellent!"

Destiny Island 

Sora rolled to the side and avoided another blitz ball Waka had thrown at him. He got up just in time to see another ball being thrown at him. Quickly dodging he brought his sword up in time to block a third ball.

"Where the hell do you keep getting these things?"

"Eh, Costco was having a sale."

The End of the Game "Hey Pluto, watcha up to?" 

"What's that in his mouth?"

"It's a letter. With the kings seal!"

"Pluto! Here boy!"

Pluto merely turns his head and runs off down the path. All of the adventurers laugh and start running after him.

2 hours later:

"Stupid…dog. Get…back here!"

Pluto keeps running.

"Damnit Goofy, this is the last time I ever chase after an animated dog!"

Destiny Island "Sora are you ok?" 

"Oh man Kari it was weird man. There was this dark place and all these dark bugs and I got this cool sword and and…"

"Um Sora, have you been sniffing Paupou leaves again?"

"Um…"

Leon's (Squall's) House 

"Tell me what happened."

Sora begins to explain everything when all of a sudden…

_SQUAK SQUAK SQUAK SQUAK  
_  
"What the hell is that?"

Leon pulls out a key chain and presses a button.

"Sorry that was my chocobo alarm."

**Platinum Match (Sepiroth)**

Sora watches as Sepiroth makes his usual entrance into the arena. He had gotten used to it by now, having fought him many times.

"You know," commented Sora idly as he watched Sepiroth unfurl his wing, "You really need to tell me how you got that theme music."

"Sorry kid, it's a bad guys special privilege."

"Aww…"

**Behind the Behind the scenes:**

ClanCrusher smirked as he finished typing off another blooper and saving it to his hard drive. It sure was fun to write about all the mistakes that the KH cast made.

DingDong

ClanCrusher stretches a few times before going to answer the door. He blinked once and blinked twice but for someone reason he could not deny that…

"Can I have a word?" asked Leon in a forced polite tone.

"Heh heh…give me a minute."

ClanCrusher slammed the door in his face and raced to the back door only to find…

"Oh ClanCrusher, can we talk for a minute?" Yuffie was holding her insanely big shuriken in her hand, the edges gleaming in the sunlight.

"Eh…heh heh, um…," said ClanCrusher smartly as he started backing away only to bump into Leon.

"I really think we need to talk about you latest…publication." Said Leon a measure of ice creeping into his voice.

"Oh come on, its no big deal!" said ClanCrusher as he maneuvered to keep them both at his front, "So what if I called Yuffie a little thief and claimed Leon got beaten by a key bank advertiser?"

The temperature of the room rose and both people were visibly manifesting red auras.

'Almost to the window, I can make it,' he thought hopefully but then…

A gloved hand rested on his shoulder and he turned to look into the face of Sepiroth.

"Well, he hasn't directly insulted us just yet." Commented Leon.

"You walk a fine line between amusing and insulting," Sepiroth said calmly, "I would watch your step in the near future and make sure your writing does not anger us."

All three turned to leave but then…

"Good thing you haven't seen the next update then…"

All three people turned to him weapons drawn.

"Hmm. Something tells me it probably would have been better to pass up that opportunity…"

We now close the curtain on the extremely violent scene that follows… 

Hi folks this is Radpatch, ClanCrusher's alter ego. From the looks of it I don't think he'll be writing anytime soon so this will probably be the last update for this story (if you call it that). Its been real folks.

ClanCrusher: AAAAHHHHH! NOT THE FACE!

I'm pretty sure ClanCrusher would still like the reviews although I'm not sure if he'll be able to read them. Thank you for all your support and I hope you got some laughs out of this fic.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I'm back. I debated long and hard with myself about whether I should actually make some bloopers for Kingdom Hearts 2, but after non-stop pestering from my alter ego ClanCrusher, I finally decided to write this. Rejoice for Kingdom Bloopers is now another work in progress.

WARNING: This story may contain spoilers to the actual game.

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**Somewhere in the Twilight Mansion:**

Ansem/Rikku- So why don't we make a beach?

Diz- It would give the enemy another access point.

Rikku- So? Seems to me they already accessed the program. A beach isn't going to hurt.

Diz slams his fist against the keyboard nearly breaking it.

Diz- Damnit Rikku! It took me four million lines of basic just to get that damn clock tower working right! Now if you want to spend your time to make a beach, you go right ahead.

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**Twilight Town**

Axel: Look at what its come to. I've been given these icky orders to destroy you if you can't remember anything.

Roxas: Your Axel right? We used to work for the same guy, and we were best friends!

Axel: …

Roxas: Right?

Axel: You know, it doesn't really count as remembering if you just tell me what I've already told you.

Roxas: Goddamnit.

A few scenes later in the twilight mansion…

Roxas and Axel are facing each other down with their weapons drawn. They knew that this was going to be the final showdown.

Roxas: Axel…

Axel: So you really do remember this time. Well it's too late for that!

Roxas: No I don't remember! Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?

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**Hades Coliseum: Battle 50**

Hades: Behold! For I am your final opponent!

Sora just looks dumbstruck.

Hades: What? What? Is my hair out or something?

Sora: You mean to tell me that after all the shit I went through in battle 49 a weak ass opponent like you is my last opponent? Seriously, after getting the crap beaten out of me by the final fantasy cast I was at least expecting Sepiroth in the final round!

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**Radiant Garden: Sepiroth Confrontation**

Sepiroth: So you are the wielder of the key blade then?

Goofy: I don't think we should tell you that.

Sepiroth: I wonder who the keyblade will choose at its master…once I defeat you.

Sora, Goofy, and Donald jump back bringing out their weapons.

Sora: You may have been a real asshole in the first game, but I've got some new tricks up my sleeve now. Donald, Goofy, lend me your strength! Final Form!

Sora puts his hands out expecting the key oathbreaker to come into his hand. Time stands still for a second.

Sora: Huh? Donald? Goofy? Where are you guys?

Sora looks behind him to see Donald and Goofy high tailing it out of the canyon.

Sora: I hate you guys.

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**Radiant Garden: Sepiroth Battle**

"Hey Sepiroth, I've been wondering," said Sora as he dodged around the enormous sword Sepiroth was wielding.

"About what?" asked the platinum haired fighter as he renewed his assault.

"That sword you use," said Sora crossing blades with him, "You're not…compensating are you?"

"Alright that's it, you're dead."

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**Hollow Bastion: Undetermined Time**

"Maleficent, didn't we kill you in the last game?"

"Yes you did. Unfortunately Disney's running out of Villains so I got scripted for the role again."

Sora sighed and drew his keyblade, "SSDD it is then."

(Same Shit Different Day)

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**Hollow Bastion: Before the Gate Fight**

"So let me get this straight," said Axel, "After he defeats those nobodies, we're going to appear before him using our teleportation trick and send him a bunch of thinly veiled threats and then disappear?"

"Correct."

"That's complete bullshit! Why don't we just attack him now and take the keyblade? It'll be like 13 vs. 3. We could totally kick his ass!"

"You fool! That's not the way organization XII works! First we give him a warning, and then we send you guys in one at a time to try and take him out."

"But…"

"Don't question my orders fool. Now get ready to teleport."

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**Final Battle: Xheanort**

Sora and Riku looked around at the hundreds of lasers surrounding them.

"We have to deflect all of these?" asked Sora prepping his keyblade.

"Don't worry Sora. You can do it, use the force!"

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**Portal Between Worlds**

"What were you trying to do Axel?"

Axel coughed a couple times before replying, "I wanted to see Roxas again. He was the only one…I really liked."

"…That sounds kinda gay dude."

"Hey up yours."

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**Space Paranoids**

"Just give me a second to reconfigure this computer and I'll be able to hack into the main computer and re-route one of their heartless transporters to the main computer so we can go and have a final showdown with the master computer."

"You can do all that from this computer?"

"Yes. I know I'm amazing."

Sora looks over Tron's shoulder, "It looks like you're just pressing the same keys over and over."

"I learned how to hack from old Star Trek episodes."

Beep!

"Thank you for pressing the self destruct button. Have a nice day."

"Not my fault!"

"You suck Tron."

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End file.
